Only the echoes of my mind
by thegirl20
Summary: After the curse breaks, Ruby's senses threaten to overwhelm her.


Her memories come back all at once, in a crashing moment of clarity. One minute she's walking along the street, bickering with Granny about a change in her shift pattern, and the next she's assaulted with visions of a life she'd forgotten.

 _A tiny cottage in the woods that always smelled of smoke and cooking._

 _Granny sweeping the floor and yelling at her for dragging mud in on her boots._

 _A red cloak that always felt too heavy and itchy._

 _A boy with warm eyes and soft lips and a smile as big as the sky._

Ruby can barely draw breath before she's wrapped up in Granny's arms.

"Red," Granny whispers. "Red."

Red. Ruby. Which is she? She doesn't feel like she's wholly one or the other, but she smiles and tightens her arms around Granny, closing her eyes.

 _The wolf. He wasn't the wolf._

 _Blood. In her mouth._

 _He didn't stand a chance._

 _Running. Snow's hand in hers._

Granny pulls away and reaches up to cup her cheek. Ruby covers her hand and they smile at each other. Ruby hopes the tears that spill down her cheeks look like happy ones.

* * *

By the time night falls on the second day, she can't escape it. Everything, _everything_ , is more...just more. Colours are brighter, smells are stronger, tastes more extreme. But sounds are the worst. Her head is full of constant noise that she can't switch off. Voices and footsteps and dishes clattering and music and...it hurts. Her brain feels like it needs to burst or shut down or...something.

It wasn't like this back home. She could turn her abilities on and off as she needed them. They were so much a part of her that she wasn't even aware that she had them most of the time. But getting them all back in a tumbling rush is terrifying.

Granny is sympathetic, but age has dulled her senses to a manageable level so she has no idea what Ruby is going through with this cacophony inside her mind. She looks on as Ruby crouches in a corner of their living room, hands covering her ears, rocking back and forth, trying to clear her head.

"Go into the woods, girl," Granny murmurs. "Get as far away from the noise as you can."

Ruby squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head. "C-can't leave you here," she grinds out. The townsfolk are still panicky and nobody really knows what's going on. Magic is creeping back in and that makes everything that little bit more unpredictable.

"You know perfectly well that I can take care of myself," Granny tells her, the hand on her shoulder far more gentle than the voice in her ear. Ruby opens her eyes and looks up at her grandmother. "Now go and get yourself some peace. I'll be here when you come back."

She stands and pulls the old woman against her in a tight hug, easing up her hold when Granny protests. Her strength is another thing she's yet to get a handle on. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Hush," Granny says, patting her back and stepping away. "Now go. Just…steer clear of the town line, huh?"

They'd all seen what had happened to Sneezy when he crossed the town line. He'd reverted to his cursed personality. Ruby's chest tightens with guilt as she nods at Granny's instruction. Crossing the line isn't without its attraction right now. But she wouldn't do that. She couldn't leave Granny and her friends in this state of confusion. But she needs to get her head straight before she can be of any help to them.

* * *

So she runs. The power in her legs takes her by surprise and she's at the edge of the woods before she's taken a breath. The extreme speed after a thirty year gap makes her head spin and she stumbles, throwing out a hand to catch herself on a nearby tree. She bends at the waist, gulping in air that feels too thin, blood roaring in her ears as her vision blurs. Her stomach heaves and she brings up the little food she's been able to ingest. She spits a few times, but the acrid smell and taste remain and she pushes herself upright and moves further into the forest to get away from it.

At first, it feels better, the smells are more natural and more like she remembers from back home. But, as her ears hone in on her surroundings, the noise starts to close in on her again. She can hear every animal, every insect chirp. She jumps at every snap of a twig and soon finds herself covering her ears and running again.

But there's nowhere to go. She can't escape herself. Unless...

* * *

Another bout of superspeed brings her back to town. But not to the Diner or the Bed and Breakfast. This time when she comes to a stop and her stomach protests, it's in Regina Mills' flowerbed. She barely registers the interruption as she makes her way to the front porch, one arm wrapped around her head as she pounds on the door with her fist until it opens, revealing a not terribly pleased looking Mayor.

"Ms Lucas, what do you think you are do-"

"Curse me again!" Ruby blurts out, taking a step towards Regina. Tears are dripping into her mouth, the salt stinging her tongue. "Please...please just...just curse me again. I don't want this...I don't want to be... _this_."

Regina frowns, but doesn't close the door or turn Ruby into a frog. Which might be preferable right about now.

"Whatever are you talking about, dear?" Regina asks, and she seems genuinely confused. "The curse was just that; a curse. A punishment. Why on earth wou-"

"Not for me," Ruby says, taking another step and forcing Regina to step backwards into the house. Ruby reaches for an explanation but her mind refuses to cooperate and she lifts her hands to her ears once more, pressing until she's sure her fingerprints are embedded in her skull. She falls to one knee, eyes closed tightly. "I can't think with all this noise in my head. It's...it's too much. I can't…"

"Oh, of course," Regina murmurs above her. "Your wolf abilities."

Ruby looks up and sees something akin to sympathy in the former Queen's eyes. "Please," she begs again. "Please...just...take it away. Make it stop."

Regina tilts her head and sighs. "I can't, Ruby," she says, quietly. But she reaches down and urges Ruby to stand up, closing the door behind her.

"You can!" Ruby protests as Regina leads her through the house to the kitchen. Ruby wrinkles her nose at the smell of old cooking and tries to focus as Regina shoves her onto a stool. "Your magic is back. You...I _saw_ -" She'd seen her tie David to the wall. She'd seen her catch and arrow and set it on fire earlier that very day.

"Yes, my magic is back, but I can't just go around casting the Dark Curse just because you're hearing voices in your head," Regina snaps.

"That's not what I'm asking," Ruby whines. "Just...you must be able to do something. Please?"

"Why do you think I'll help you?" Regina asks. It may be that Ruby's brain isn't fully functioning right now, but it sounds more curious than sarcastic. And she'll blame that lack of filter in her head for the next words that come out of her mouth.

"Be-because you can't have spent thirty years flirting with me over a coffee pot and not have at least a little bit of affection for me." If her face weren't twisted in pain right now, she might try for a wink.

"That's very presumptuous of you, Ms Lucas," Regina says, her face neutral. "On many counts."

"Yeah, well, it was you or the town line," Ruby says, exhaustion and desperation getting the better of her. "So I figured I'd try you first."

Regina's eyes widen, betraying her shock at the admission. "You'd...you'd cross the town line and lose yourself again?"

"What's to lose?" Ruby asks, laying her forehead on the cool marble of the counter, wrapping her arms around her head. "In a few weeks I'll turn into a monster. If I can't even control my hearing, how the hell am I supposed to control the wolf?"

"So you're just going to give up?" Regina asks. "Forgive me, Ms Lucas, but that seems rather cowardly for you."

Ruby's head snaps up and she can't stop the growl that starts in her chest and works its way up and out of her mouth. Regina raises an eyebrow at the sound, her mouth quirking into a half smile.

"Cowardly?" Ruby repeats. "How is it cowardly to not want to kill and maim a whole bunch of people every month?"

"Because you were able to control it before," Regina points out. "Seems to me you just don't want to expend the energy to do it again. Which is just lazy."

Ruby's mouth falls open. "Where the hell do you get off calling me lazy and cowardly?" She gets to her feet and rounds the counter. Regina doesn't move. "It's your fault I even know what it means to be normal. To not turn into a wild animal three nights a month."

"You weren't meant to be 'normal', Ruby," Regina says.

"Well what if I want to be normal?" Ruby challenges. "What if I preferred fucking _normal_? What if I preferred not hearing every single damn word that people say or move they make?"

Regina shakes her head. "You'll get your senses under control soon enough. My magic was unpredictable to begin with. It still is." She bites her lip, as if she didn't mean to say that. Ruby opens her mouth to ask a question, but Regina looks away and starts to speak again. "Perhaps I can help with the noise for the moment. Follow me."

The promise of help makes Ruby forget any desire she had to continue her argument with Regina. She follows her up the stairs. Henry's scent is strong at the top and she assumes they're passing his bedroom. He's not in it.

"Where's Henry?" she asks, without thinking.

Regina's has stopped at another room, her hand on the doorknob. Her shoulders stiffen at Ruby's question. "He's...with his grandfather," she says, after a brief pause. "We decided it was for the best. For now."

"Oh."

After the show at the town hall, she hadn't expected Regina to give Henry up without a fight. While she can see why the boy would want to get away from the picture of his 'evil' mother he's built up, she can't help but remember him as a toddler, clinging to Regina's pant leg as she placed an order in the diner. Ruby would bend down to his level and play peek-a-boo with him through Regina's legs. Or later, when he was five or six, and he'd beg Regina to get to sit at the counter and Regina would roll her eyes, but she'd lift him onto one of the stools and he'd babble away happily to Ruby while he drew pictures of dragons and knights. That little boy loved his mother and Ruby believes he still does. But it's not her place to say any of that.

Regina pushes the door open and leads the way into, what Ruby assumes is, a guest bedroom. Regina inclines her head to the door. "Close it behind you."

Doing as she's told, Ruby swallows. "Uh, look, this is...uh, I'm...flattered...but-"

"I'm not here to seduce you, Ms Lucas," Regina huffs, with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh." Ruby's relatively certain she shouldn't be disappointed to hear that. It must show on her face because Regina smirks. Lifting a hand, Regina makes an elaborate swirling gesture and everything in the room changes to a light beige colour. But that's not all. All of the scents disappear, barring those coming from Regina herself. And the noise in Ruby's head is gone. Completely. She can hear nothing but Regina's breath and her heartbeat.

"H-how did you-," Ruby stutters, adjusting to the glorious quiet. "Oh my God, Regina...it's...gone. All of it is gone."

"A simple sound-proofing spell," Regina says with a dismissive wave of her hand. "It's noth-"

She's cut off when Ruby launches herself at her and grabs her in a tight hug. "Thank you," Ruby whispers, burying her nose in Regina's hair and enjoying the scent of her shampoo without the distraction of dozens of other smells. "I mean it, thank you."

"Well," Regina begins, patting Ruby awkwardly on the back. "You're welcome."

Ruby pulls back, sensing Regina's unease with the contact. Tears once again spring to her eyes but this time they come from relief rather than frustration. "You didn't have to help me. Or even let me through your door," Ruby says. "But you did."

Shrugging, Regina steps away a little further, avoiding Ruby's eyes. "Yes, well, there was nothing on good on TV this evening...so..."

Ruby laughs. Her whole body feels lighter. It feels like she can breathe again.

Regina clears her throat. "I haven't taken away your senses," she begins. "When you leave this room, the noise will still be there. But, as I said, you will gain control again. Until then, this room will remain at your disposal." She nods to the bed. "You should get some sleep. You look like you need it." She turns and heads for the door.

"I threw up in your flowerbed," Ruby says, for no reason other than to prolong the conversation. "Sorry."

Sighing, Regina turns back to face her. "It hardly matters. The begonias fell victim to the angry mob earlier this week."

Ruby nods and sits on the bed as Regina opens the door. A faint roar starts up and Ruby recoils. Regina quickly exits, murmuring 'goodnight' before closing it again and leaving Ruby in perfect, beautiful silence.

* * *

The following morning, Ruby wakes slowly. She stretches and squints at her unfamiliar surroundings as the events of the previous few days come back to her and she remembers she's in Regina's house. She glances at the door of the room with trepidation. She knows as soon as she opens it, everything will come back. But she can't stay here, and if she hides away from everything outside the door, she'll never get used to her senses again.

Pushing herself up and immediately missing the ridiculously comfortable mattress, Ruby gets to her feet and stretches again, feeling the extra power in her muscles as she does so. After running her hands through her hair to try and calm it down at least a little, she steels herself and yanks the door open.

The noise almost knocks her backwards with its intensity, but after the initial rush, she concentrates on trying to gain control and it seems to settle down a little. Not much, but a little. Well, it's better than yesterday at least. Her nostrils flare as they are assaulted by the scents of the house and she picks out coffee straight away so she heads in the direction it's coming from and finds Regina in the kitchen, cradling a mug and staring out of the window.

"Good morning," Ruby says and Regina startles, turning to face her.

"Oh, good morning," she replies. "Did you sleep well?" She places her mug on the counter and grabs another from the cupboard for Ruby before picking up the coffee pot.

"Like a baby," Ruby admits, feeling a little out of place now that the drama of the previous evening is absent, and the noise in her head is at a lower level. She takes a seat at the island in Regina's kitchen. "Thank you. Again."

In the cool morning light, she realises that coming to Regina's house and begging her for help possibly wasn't the most dignified thing for her to do. She's Snow White's best friend, for Christ's sake, and here she is having coffee poured for her by the Evil Queen. Regina chooses this moment to look up at her and smirk as she holds out a full cup of steaming hot coffee.

"So, are you going to flirt with me now?" she asks. "I'd hate us to break a thirty year habit."

"I dunno," Ruby says, a slow smile curling over her lips. "I'd say things are already pretty different, Madam Mayor." She gestures to the coffee pot in Regina's hand. "You're the one pouring the coffee and, when you turn around, I'm gonna be the one ogling _your_ ass."

"I did not ogle your a-...your _anything_ ," Regina protests, turning away to, presumably, hide the blush that Ruby's seen anyway. Ruby's eyes drop to the bodypart in question, but only for a second as Regina spins back around, seemingly realising that she's pretty much just played into Ruby's hands. The former Queen narrows her eyes and puts the coffee pot back in its place. "I didn't ogle anything."

"Uh huh," Ruby says, watching Regina over the rim of her coffee mug. The bitterness on her newly sensitive taste buds almost makes her cough. "Sure, and I guess it wasn't your curse who put me in teeny skirts and low-cut shirts either, huh?"

"That's...that's not," Regina frowns and sighs. "I didn't control every little aspect of the curse, Ms Lucas. Believe me, I did not sit in my castle picking out your wardrobe prior to casting it."

Ruby watches with interest as Regina stutters over her words and refuses to make eye-contact. "So how did it work?" she asks, finding herself curious. As curses go, it could've been a hell of a lot worse. They could've all been stuck in some hellish place, pushing boulders up hills for eternity, or getting their livers pecked out by birds. While she's not condoning what Regina did, she can't help but think they all landed on their feet a little. Apart from the memory loss and separation from family members. She frowns. "And how come I stayed with Granny?"

Regina raises her eyebrow. "Maybe that was part of the curse," she suggests, but Ruby shakes her head.

"No," she pushes. "Pretty much everybody I spoke to over the last couple of days was separated from their family. Kids were separated from their parents. But I got to stay with Granny. Why?"

"I don't know," Regina says, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. "The aim of the curse was to ensure that Snow White never got her happy ending. Beyond that...it's anyone's guess."

Not entirely convinced by that explanation, Ruby takes another sip of coffee. "Well...thank you anyway. I'd have hated for her to be on her own for that whole time."

Regina inhales through her nose and sighs. "It...it might be that the curse picked up on...some of my...well, my feelings."

Ruby's eyebrows shoot up. "So you _did_ put me in those short skirts!"

Letting out a short laugh, Regina shakes her head, moving back to the counter where Ruby is seated, leaning her elbows on the marble surface. "I will admit that I had a certain...admiration for you, back in our world," Regina says, meeting Ruby's eyes. "More than once I thought of trying to entice you to my side of the fence."

Well. Ruby wasn't expecting that. She can feel her face grow warm. "Uh...really?" Her voice is much higher than usual.

"Mmhmm," Regina confirms, her smirk indicating that she's enjoying Ruby's discomfort. "I always wanted a pet wolf."

Ruby's brow creases. "A pet?" she snaps.

"Pet, bodyguard, companion…" Regina's eyes darken. "I'd have been happy with any of the above."

Swallowing through a suddenly dry throat, Ruby tries to laugh. "S-so, you admired my battle prowess?"

"Amongst other things," Regina says, standing up straight and picking up Ruby's empty cup. She moves to the sink; her back to Ruby. "So, it's possible that the curse picked up on that admiration and that's how you and your grandmother ended up together. Running a successful business, no less."

"Yeah," Ruby mumbles, just to have something to say. Her thoughts are caught up in 'what ifs'. What if Regina had met her before Snow. Would she have ended up as the Queen's lapdog? Would she have killed for Regina instead of for Snow? Would her mother still be alive? She can't deny there's a tiny part of her that is excited by the images her brain is conjuring up of a life at Regina's side.

"Did you hear me, Ms Lucas?"

Ruby looks up to find Regina staring at her with concern. "Huh?"

Sighing, Regina shakes her head. "I said that I'd leave the room upstairs as it is until you have your senses under control," she repeats. "You are at liberty to use it whenever you choose."

Ruby nods in gratitude. "Thank you." Her eyes stray to the clock. It's almost eleven. She hops off the stool. "Shit! I was supposed to be on the early shift. Granny's gonna kill me."

"I doubt that," Regina says, following Ruby into the hallway. "Seems a pity to put up with you for all these years and then kill you for tardiness."

Pausing with her hand on the front doorknob, Ruby turns back to look at Regina. "Thank you, again." She presses her lips together, uncertain how her next words will be received. "I'll make sure Henry knows you did this."

There's a slight quiver to Regina's chin before she answers. "That's not why I-"

"I know," Ruby rushes to assure her. "But I'll tell him anyway."

"Thank you," Regina whispers, blinking a little too quickly.

"You know," Ruby begins, sensing Regina might want a change of subject. "The noise in my head isn't as bad when I'm talking to you. It was loud upstairs when I woke up. But...since I came downstairs I've hardly noticed it."

"Oh," Regina says. "Well…"

"I'm just saying that I think focussing on you helped block everything else out," Ruby finishes, blushing. "And, you know, if you wanted to swing by the diner or whatever...that might be...helpful. For me."

A smile makes its way over Regina's lips. "I think you were better at flirting during the curse, Ms Lucas."

"I absolutely was," Ruby agrees. "But the offer stands. I'll even put on the littlest skirt I can find, just for you."

Regina leans close to her and opens the front door, scowling playfully. "You better get going before your Grandmother turns up here with her crossbow accusing me of holding you in thrall." She gives Ruby a little shove onto the porch where she stands, awkwardly.

"I, uh, might take you up on the offer of coming back," Ruby says. "If things get bad again."

"As I said, the room is there for you," Regina tells her. "And if, when the full moon comes, you have concerns about your wolf, I'll see if there's anything I can do.

Ruby grins and, without thinking about it too much, surges forward and presses her lips against Regina's cheek. She doesn't wait to see the Queen's reaction, sprinting off down Mifflin street, a laugh bubbling out of her chest. For the first time since her memories returned, she feels like everything might be okay.


End file.
